When it comes to making decisions, many of us can get caught up in focusing on one possible outcome, often overvaluing it. We may feel like we only have one chance for success, and if that one option doesn't work out, we'll be left with nothing. But what if we looked at life through a wider lens, recognizing that we have many sources of joy, satisfaction, and meaning at our disposal?
Diversifying the ways we find fulfillment is a powerful tool in decision-making. For instance, if someone is unsure about leaving a relationship, they may feel like they'll have nothing left if they break up. But if they start to realize that there are other rewarding activities—like friendships, hobbies, or work—available to them, they might feel more confident about making a change. Having a variety of sources of reward in life helps us weather setbacks and encourages us to take risks when needed. This approach shows us that even if one part of our life doesn't go as planned, there are plenty of other ways we can feel fulfilled.
Imagine this: if you had all your savings tied up in one volatile stock, you’d probably feel pretty anxious about it. But if your investments were spread across different types of assets, like bonds, real estate, and stocks, a drop in one area wouldn’t feel so devastating. The same concept applies to our lives. By building a range of rewarding experiences, you can gain the confidence to take risks because you know there are other things that can make you feel happy and fulfilled.
Building a Diversified List of Rewards
To help with decision-making, try considering all the possible sources of reward you have, both in the present and future. For example, let's say you’re debating whether to leave a relationship. You may initially think you’ll have nothing left, but think about all the rewarding things you used to do before the relationship. Did you enjoy spending time with friends? Traveling? Going to the movies? Engaging in hobbies? All of these are still available to you, and they might help you feel less worried about a major change.
In therapy, this approach can be useful when a patient is feeling stuck in a decision. By talking through the different sources of fulfillment in their lives, the patient can start to feel more empowered to take action. It’s like being at a buffet: if one dish is no longer available, you don’t have to feel defeated—you can focus on the other delicious options waiting for you.
Risk: The Choice Between Staying or Going
Another common issue people face when making decisions is the fear of risk. It’s easy to avoid making a choice because it feels safer to stay in the current situation. But here’s the thing: inaction itself comes with risks. For example, imagine someone in a relationship where they feel bored and unfulfilled. They might avoid making the tough decision to break up because they fear the discomfort of dating again or the upset it might cause their partner. But by avoiding the decision, they also risk staying stuck in an unhappy situation for years to come.
Making decisions isn’t about finding a "risk-free" choice—it’s about weighing the risks of acting versus not acting. Staying in a relationship may offer comfort, but it also comes with the risk of missed opportunities and a lack of personal growth. On the other hand, breaking up may be difficult, but it could open the door to new experiences and more meaningful connections. It’s about finding the right risk to take.
Comparing Risks to Make Clearer Choices
When faced with a tough decision, it's helpful to list the pros and cons of staying versus leaving, or whatever other choices you're considering. For example, let’s say you're not sure whether to marry someone. Staying in the relationship might mean comfort and stability, but also a potential future of boredom and regret. Leaving could be tough emotionally, but it might open up space for personal growth and new relationships.
What’s essential here is recognizing that every decision comes with its risks, and sometimes inaction can carry the biggest cost. By evaluating the risks of doing nothing versus doing something, you’re more likely to make a choice that aligns with your long-term well-being. It’s also about understanding that waiting for the perfect moment to act usually means losing opportunities in the process.
Taking Action on Your Decisions
In therapy, this process often involves helping patients confront the reality that there are no perfect choices. When patients feel stuck in a relationship or another area of their life, they may spend a lot of time seeking reassurance, trying to avoid making the “wrong” decision. But the truth is, all decisions involve trade-offs, and by procrastinating, they are losing out on other possible opportunities.
The goal is to weigh the possible costs of not acting—whether it’s lost opportunities, personal growth, or future regrets—against the potential rewards. Every decision carries some form of risk, but by taking the time to understand those risks, you can make decisions that feel more aligned with your values and long-term goals.
How Psychotherapy Can Help with Decision-Making
Psychotherapy can be incredibly helpful for those struggling with tough decisions, particularly when it comes to fear of risk and uncertainty. A therapist can help you explore the underlying emotions and thoughts that make decision-making so challenging. By using tools like diversifying sources of reward or comparing risks, therapy can provide clarity and offer new perspectives on your situation.
For example, if you're feeling paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" decision, a therapist can help you break down the decision into smaller, more manageable parts. Together, you can identify the different rewards and risks involved in each option, making the choices feel less overwhelming. Psychotherapy also helps you become more aware of unhelpful patterns of thinking, such as focusing too much on a single outcome or fearing change altogether.
By focusing on what's important to you and acknowledging that there is no risk-free path, therapy allows you to trust in your ability to make choices. With time, you can learn to embrace uncertainty and take action, knowing that you have the support and tools to navigate through life's challenges.
Conclusion
Making decisions, big or small, can be one of the most stressful parts of life. But by expanding your view of the rewards available to you and understanding that every choice involves risk, you can find the courage to move forward. Diversifying your sources of fulfillment, considering the opportunity costs of inaction, and understanding that there are no perfect choices can all help reduce the anxiety that often accompanies decision-making.
Remember, it’s okay to seek support when you're feeling stuck. Psychotherapy can be a powerful tool to help you explore your options, challenge your fears, and ultimately make choices that align with your values and long-term happiness. Life is full of risks and opportunities, and by learning to manage both, you can move forward with confidence.
References: Cognitive Therapy Techniques
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