Making decisions can be tough, especially when we’re worried about feeling regret afterward. The idea that we might regret a choice—whether it's a new job, relationship, or any big change—often keeps us stuck in our current situation. This is what's known as "regret avoidance": we avoid making decisions because we’re afraid of looking back and wishing we had done something different.
Regret can feel like a heavy emotional weight, especially if we think it’ll last forever. For instance, an investor might choose a safe, popular stock rather than explore more promising, riskier options because they worry about feeling foolish later. The fear of regret can lead us to make choices that don’t necessarily serve us, just to avoid the possibility of making a mistake. We might also delay decisions by seeking reassurance, getting stuck in analysis paralysis, or deferring the choice to someone else.
What If We Could Embrace Regret?
One important thing to consider is that regret is a natural part of life. We often think we’re avoiding regret, but in reality, we’re just postponing the inevitable discomfort that comes with it. Sometimes, we regret not taking action more than the action itself. For example, staying in a bad job just because we’re afraid of regretting a potential change might actually create a much deeper sense of regret later on.
When we keep avoiding decisions to prevent regret, we end up feeling stuck and dissatisfied. The key isn't about avoiding regret entirely but understanding that both staying in a situation or making a change come with their own trade-offs. The real question is: which regret would be worse—the one from staying the same or the one from changing?
How Therapy Can Help You Make Confident Decisions
In therapy, you can explore these fears of regret with someone who’s trained to help you think through tough decisions. A therapist can help you get clear on what truly matters in your life and what is keeping you from moving forward. By looking at past decisions and how regret played a role, you can start to see that sometimes the fear of making a wrong choice is often worse than actually making the change. Therapy provides a safe space to unpack these feelings and to develop healthier decision-making strategies.
Making Choices for Your Future Self
Often, we make decisions based on short-term rewards—like lying on the couch with a snack and a TV show—rather than thinking about how we’ll feel about that decision in the future. This tendency is called "time discounting", where we prioritize immediate gratification over long-term benefits. It’s like choosing $10 today instead of waiting a year for $20. While it might seem like a good choice in the moment, it doesn’t help us build a better future.
But what if we could make decisions from the perspective of our future selves? Imagine your future self—1 year or even 10 years from now—looking back and giving advice on what to do right now. Would your future self appreciate you putting in the effort today, even if it feels tough? This idea helps us shift our focus from immediate comfort to long-term well-being. By putting yourself in the shoes of your future self, you can make choices that help you get closer to the person you want to be.
The Power of Thinking Ahead
Therapists often encourage clients to imagine their future selves as a way of making more thoughtful choices. When you think about your future self, you may realize that taking the easy route today—like skipping exercise or eating junk food—could lead to regrets down the road. On the other hand, pushing through the discomfort now can help you build a healthier, more satisfying life in the long run.
Imagine a conversation with your future self about the choices you’re making today. Your future self might say, “I need you to stop procrastinating and take action. You’ll thank me later for the effort you put in now.” It can be an eye-opening way to see that the small decisions you make today really do shape the person you become. Looking ahead at your future self helps you stay motivated and focused on goals that matter.
Therapy and the Future You
Therapy can help you break free from the short-term thinking that often holds us back. Working with a therapist, you can explore how to align your current choices with your long-term goals. If you’ve struggled with seeing a positive future, a therapist can help you rebuild that vision. Often, the process of therapy involves reimagining your future and gaining clarity on the path that will lead you to where you want to be. Therapy also helps you confront the resistance to change that can feel overwhelming, making it easier to take small steps towards a better future.
In conclusion, both overcoming regret avoidance and making decisions for your future self are crucial steps toward creating a fulfilling life. Therapy offers a space to explore these challenges, helping you make more confident choices with a clearer sense of purpose and direction.
References:
Cognitive Therapy Techniques
Pages 219 - 233
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